Build the Life You Want: The Art and Science of Getting Happier

Brooks and Winfrey believe that there are four conceptual pillars that support a positive lifestyle: family, friendship, work, and spirituality. They posit that people can use the energy gained through emotional self-management to focus on building these four pillars and becoming happier. The authors argue that there is no such thing as a perfectly happy family, and that conflict and challenges are inevitable. Conflict often arises from a misalignment in how different family members view their roles. It can also arise from a values breach, “in which one family member rejects something about the others’ core beliefs” (105).

Winfrey and Brooks emphasize the importance of acknowledging conflict and finding strategies to work through it. They recommend clearly communicating with family members and setting up regular meetings to talk through issues and find solutions. They also recommend not trying to change the values held by other family members. They believe that family members with different values can coexist without changing each other’s minds. Lastly, they warn against “treat[ing] your family like emotional ATMs” (106), viewing them only as a source of emotional support without reciprocating.

While many people believe that similarities are important for compatibility in romantic relationships, the authors argue that complementary differences are better predictors of