The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God

Timothy and Kathy Keller confront one of the most common modern ideas about love and marriage—that a legal marriage is just a “piece of paper” (77), and that true love should be spontaneous, free, and unbound by obligation. The Kellers challenge this by exploring the biblical understanding of marriage as a covenant defined by sacrificial commitment, not just intense feelings.

Many view love as a feeling driven by passion. But according to Scripture, love is primarily about giving, serving, and committing oneself to another person, regardless of how one feels in the moment. This understanding reframes marriage not as a consumer relationship, where we stay only as long as our needs are met, but as a covenantal one, in which both parties pledge loyalty and faithfulness regardless of shifting circumstances.

Keller views romantic feelings, though beautiful and important, as not enough to sustain a marriage since they often fade. But when two people make vows—binding promises to be there for one another—they create the conditions for lasting intimacy. The authors argue that making such a promise is a radical act of love. It’s not stifling but freeing because it creates a secure space where spouses can be vulnerable, honest, and truly known.