The Tell: A Memoir

Content Warning: This section of the guide includes descriptions of rape and child sexual abuse.

For decades, Amy Griffin keeps her childhood history of sexual abuse so tightly repressed that it remains a secret even from herself. The trauma is all but forgotten in Amy’s conscious mind, but her body and personality remember, and a number of “tells” reveal the extent to which Amy’s physical, mental, and emotional life has been shaped by the abuse she experienced in childhood. Although Amy “couldn’t recall [her] trauma on a conscious level,” it was always “there, affecting [her] life” (108).

The author explains that for much of her adult life, she felt as if her “body knew something that [she] didn’t” (70). She experienced inexplicable panic attacks that were triggered by seemingly benign situations. When she recalled the circumstances of her abuse, she was able to trace these incidents to specific traumatic memories and realized that her body remembered the abuse even though her mind had blocked it out. Amy also experienced frequent, inexplicable back pain, underwent surgery on her back and both hips, and was frequently in the doctor’s office for colds and sinus infections. Upon rediscovering her memories, she realizes that keeping these incidents repressed in her subconscious “had made [her] sick” (160).